Q: What are the three words you never wanna hear whilst having sex?
A: "Honey I'm home."
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Why It Sucks to Be an Egg...
You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.
Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?
A: Marijuana
I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country.
Then I woke up.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but Chuck Norris' glare will liquify your kidney.
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When I was young, my slippers were red,
I could pick up my heels right over my head.
When I grew older, my slippers were blue,
but still I could dance the whole night through.
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Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
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Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel.
When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial.
After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I've had in years! I wonder how the girls are doing?"
A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.
After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age.
He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
“Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks.
The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.”
So he opens his shirt revealing lost of curly silver hair.
She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.”
and she processes his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”
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A customer comes into the computer store.
I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics.
You know, something really challenging."
"Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Vista?"
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