Sticks and stones may break your bones, but Chuck Norris' glare will liquify your kidney.
Vote:
People sell their souls to the devil.
The devil sells his soul to Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says 'expired.'
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game.
The cashier:
- Are you stupid? This isn't real money!
Peter:
- You're stupid. The car is not real either.
Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel.
When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial.
After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I've had in years! I wonder how the girls are doing?"
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church... everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra."
Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?"
Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Vote:
Yo momma so ugly that when she smiles in the mirror the reflection doesn't smile back.
You know your f*cked when the Asian says, "shit", during the test.