Best jokes ever

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.
Vote: has 78.75 % from 168 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, sex
Question: What happened to the only man that finally figured women out? Answer: He died laughing.
Vote: has 78.75 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, women
Davie Jones is afraid of Chuck Norris' Locker.
Vote: has 78.73 % from 108 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. "Every blonde in the world will get two million." The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men. The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. "Now for your third wish." said the genie. "See that stick over there?", asked the brunette, "I want you to beat me half to death with it."
Vote: has 78.73 % from 108 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, death, genie, men, money
Chuck Norris dosn't need a bullet proof vest because the bullets wouldn't dare hit him.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once donated blood to a man, hes' known as Super Man.
Vote: has 78.72 % from 119 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9…
Vote: has 78.72 % from 157 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, life, math, phone
Women are like telephones. They love to be held. They love to be talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you're disconnected.
Vote: has 78.72 % from 304 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, phone, women
What do spongebob and an asian have in common? They're both yellow and cant drive.
Vote: has 78.71 % from 432 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, racist
Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window. If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.
Vote: has 78.71 % from 173 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor