Best jokes ever

Yo mamma is so fat, she got hit by a car and said: Who threw that rock???
Vote: has 78.78 % from 741 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
"Name?" "Abdul Aziz." "Sex?" "Three to five times a day." "No, no... I mean male or female?" "Yes, male, female, sometimes camel." "Holy cow!" "Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general." "But isn't that hostile?" "Horse style, doggy style, any style!" "Oh dear!" "No, no! Deer run too fast..."
Vote: has 78.77 % from 970 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, sex
Paint a bar of soap completely with clear nail polish so it won't suds up.
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools
Pupil: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?" Teacher: "Of course not." Pupil: "Good, because I haven't done my homework."
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, holiday, relationship
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer, work
A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar. He had just bought another large beer and he didn"t want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote a little sign on a piece of paper and left it by his beer that said: "I spit in my beer." When he returned to his bar stool there was another note beside his beer: "I spit in your beer too!"
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar, ambles up to the bartender and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the drunk man and says,”I’m sorry sir, but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink.” The guy swears and walks out of the bar. Five minutes later the guy comes flying through the side door of the bar, and yells for a beer. Again the bartender says,”I’m sorry, sir…but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink!” Ten minutes later, the same guy comes barrel-assing through the back door of the bar, storms up to the bartender, and demands a beer. Again, the bartender says to the man…”I’m really sorry, sir, but you’ve had too much to drink…you’re going to have to leave!” The guy looks quizzically at the bartender and says finally, “My God, man… How many bars do you work at?!”
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, drunk
A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island. Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived. So they come to this agreement. All of the men will marry the one woman for a week. So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on. Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it. This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week. Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies. The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful. It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
Vote: has 78.75 % from 650 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, desert island, marriage, sex
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
Vote: has 78.75 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life