How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.
I'm serious that Israeli how he does it.
Don't get upset if I ask you where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.
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I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor.
He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, "I have a new obstetrician."
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How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
Yo mama's so fat, when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear."
If you rate this kickass, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
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What did Stevie Wonder say when he found out he was blind?
"Well, at least I'm not black."
A man and his wife were having sex one night in there bedroom.
There little boy opens the door and says "Daddy what are you doing to mama?"
Then the daddy says "Making you a little sister"
And then the boy replies "Hell no do it doggy style I want a puppy."
What do you call Americans pushing a car up the hill?
a: White Power.
What do you call Asians pushing a car up the hill?
a: Asian Power.
What do you call Mexicans pushing a car up the hill?
a: Grand Theft Auto.
A Rolls Royce pulls up in to an expensive restaurant.
A sheik emerges, followed by a harem of women and a rooster.
After ordering for himself and his harem, the sheik requests a basket of apples for the rooster.
The rooster proceeds to eats three baskets of apples.
The waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster.
The sheik explains, "A genie granted me three wishes. My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beautiful women. And my third wish was to have an insatiable cock."