An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.
"Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago."
"Well," the old lady snickers, "what do you say, should we get naked?"
The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all enter the International Breast Stroke Swim across the English Channel.
After about 8 hours, the brunette makes it across, followed shortly by the redhead.
No sign of the blonde.
After 12 hours they decide they'd better go look for her when she pretty much washes up on shore.
They rush over to her and wrap her in warm blankets and give her a hot drink.
After a few minutes, she is breathing easier and says, "I don't like to tattle, but I think those other ladies were using their arms!"
The barbershop was crowded, so the woman at the cash register offered to put my name on the waiting list.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Stephen, with a P-H," I said.
Minutes later, a chair opened up, and my name was called: "Pheven?"
Vote:
Teacher: If you eat fish?
Student: It's good for my eyes.
Teacher: If you don't eat fish?
Student: It's good for the fish!
One day little Johnny with his aunt went to a zoo.
Little Johnny pointed to a donkey that had a black and long erected penis more than 20 inches length.
So he asked his aunt what was that.
His aunt responded: "That is nothing"
On the other month when he with his mother went to the zoo accidentally they met the same donkey with his long dick.
Johnny pointing to it said to his mother: "Mommi my aunt told me that it was nothing."
His mother laughed and said: "My dear it is nothing for your aunt!"
I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor.
He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, "I have a new obstetrician."
Vote:
Don't get upset if I ask you where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.
Vote:
How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.
A man and his wife were having sex one night in there bedroom.
There little boy opens the door and says "Daddy what are you doing to mama?"
Then the daddy says "Making you a little sister"
And then the boy replies "Hell no do it doggy style I want a puppy."