Best jokes ever

Q: What's the best part about gardening? A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dirty, work
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
A kid asks his mom "why his sisters' middle name is Paris?" "Because that's where we conceived her." "Next, I was going to ask why my middle name is Chevy but now I know why."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, family, geography, sex
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, car, mean, work
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, "Now, what do I give them to drink?"
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don’t see why not," replies the doctor. "That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: doctor, hospital, life, music
My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: communication, holiday, relationship
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, relationship, time
Q: Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads? A: They want to measure their intelligence.
Vote:
has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about:
Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream.
Vote:
has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: hipster
<<<186187188189
More jokes →
Page 186 of 1427.