Best jokes ever

There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data
Vote:
has 77.54 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: IT
Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, marriage, wife
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: love, mean
Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement." I did as instructed, and the system said, "Please enter your five-digit ZIP code." After I put that in, I got a third message: "If you would like your information in English, press one."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, phone
I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, husband
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps." The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at eight o'clock I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps." Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas, I'm ninety years old. Every morning at seven o'clock sharp I urinate. Every morning at eight o'clock I move my bowels. Every morning at nine o'clock sharp I wake up."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: old people
"I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?" "That's right, Sir." "So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?" "That was my dentist."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: dentist, friendship, management, stupid, work
What does the dentist of the year get? A little plaque.
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: dentist
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "... the balcony."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: cop
Chuck Norris can spit through bulletproof glass.
Vote:
has 77.52 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
<<<185186187188
More jokes →
Page 185 of 1428.