Best jokes ever

A woman and baby are in the doctors surgery, the doc is concerned about the babys weight, "Is he bottle fed or breast fed? The woman replies, "Breast fed." The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her breasts. He pinches her nipples and sucks and rubs both breasts for a while ... "No wonder the baby is underweight, you have no milk." Woman replies, "I know, Im his granny ... but Im glad I came!"
Vote: has 77.43 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, women
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
Vote: has 77.43 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as "You Know Who."
Vote: has 77.37 % from 96 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you, fella?", asks the cop. "Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!" Edward replies. The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?". "It was at the end of this key", Edward replies. At this point the cop looks down to see that Edwards p*nis is hanging out of his trousers. The cop asks Edward , "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself? Edward looks down sadly and moans, "OHHH GOD...they got Julie too!"
Vote: has 77.37 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, cop, god
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
Vote: has 77.37 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, office, time
A girl goes to a library. Girl: I want the book, "Women- The most perfect and intelligent." . . . . Librarian: Comic section is at the backside.
Vote: has 77.37 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.
Vote: has 77.36 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fart
After 5 hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 am?", said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture.", the man said. And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?", the cop asked. "My wife!!!" said the man.
Vote: has 77.36 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, cop, wife
At a Barrack, the commander calls the captain: "Take as many soldiers you need and start building additional toilets. The number of the people in need has increased!" "I would suggest, sir, instead of building more toilets, maybe we should hire a new cook!"
Vote: has 77.33 % from 101 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Vote: has 77.32 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, life, marriage, sex