Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.”
Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery.
I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid.
”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”.
”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”
A elderly retiree wobbled gingerly into an ice cream shoppe and carefully, slowly climbed up onto a counter stool.
He wheezed for a minute, then ordered a chocolate sundae.
“Crushed nuts?” asked the server.
“No,” he answered.
“Bad knees.”
Vote:
Chuck Norris can find the end of a circle.
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Man: "How old is your father?"
Boy: "As old as me."
Man: "How can that be?"
Boy: "He became a father only when I was born."
I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?"
I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
I'm so tired of racial stereotypes.
Not every Arab makes bombs...some of them make Slurpees.
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair.
An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"
And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
6 year old kid looking at Mom's ID card.
Sex: F
He laughs.
Mom: "Whats so funny?"
Kid: "I can't believe you're so bad in sex that you failed in it."
Husband died laughing.
Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?"
Chuck Norris is your daddy.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
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