What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
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Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
Vote:
A judge asks a defendant to please stand.
"You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."
From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge.
"You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.
The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"
"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"
There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris...
Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
Vote:
A milkman gets an order for 45 pints of milk.
Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake.
When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out wearing just a bath towel, and she confirms that she wants 45 pints.
"Milk baths are good for your skin," explains the woman.
"Oh, OK," replies the milkman.
"Do you need it pasteurized then?"
"No," says the woman.
"Up to my tits will be fine."
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy."
I tell him I want a second opinion.
He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
Boss: "This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?"
Me: "That it's only Wednesday."
Without you I can't breath.
I love you so much my nose.
Do you know what a plateau is?
It's the highest form of flattery!
Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?"
Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor."
Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?"
Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."