Best jokes ever

Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.
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More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome. Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome. Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome.
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More jokes about: sex
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Vote: has 76.63 % from 558 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
Vote: has 76.63 % from 186 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, funeral, sport, wife
A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account" To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!" "I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
Vote: has 76.61 % from 181 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Yo Mama so old... She's got Adam and Eve's autograph.
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More jokes about: Yo mama
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
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Why don't black people go on cruises? They already fell for that shit once before.
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More jokes about: racist
What do the KKK and Nike have in common? They both make a nigga run faster.
Vote: has 76.57 % from 756 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"
Vote: has 76.56 % from 171 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, dirty, masturbation, money, sex