How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they've never done it.
What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
“My ex-wife” replied the hunter.
Vote:
Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
Vote:
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.
Vote:
My boss doesn't believe money equals happiness.
So instead of raises, he gives us Prozac.
Vote:
Me: "I'm finally happy!"
Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Vote:
A man is in a bar talking to his friend.
‘Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.’
‘Did he get anything? asks his friend.
‘Yes,’ says the man.
‘A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs.
My wife thought it was me coming home drunk.’