Best jokes ever

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
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has 77.66 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: black humor
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?", the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
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has 77.66 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: blonde
An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?” "I’m Italian and I am a golfer,” says the old guy,” and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all is well.” “Well,” says the doctor, “I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?” ”Who said my Dad’s dead?” The doctor is amazed. “You mean you’re 80 years old and your Dad’s still alive. How old is he?” “He’s 100 years old,” says the old Italian golfer. “In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk, that’s why he’s still alive… he’s Italian and he’s a golfer too.” “Well,” the doctor says, “that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Dad’s Dad? How old was he when he died?” ”Who said my grandpa’s dead?” Stunned, the doctor asks, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?” “He’s 118 years old,” says the old Italian golfer. The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, “So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?” “No. Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.” At this point the doctor is close to losing it. “Getting married! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?” ”Who said he wanted to?”
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has 77.66 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, fitness, old people
Your mom is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
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has 77.65 % from 560 votes. More jokes about: fish, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responds the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
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has 77.64 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, gay, sex
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in. One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left. As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?" "He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
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has 77.64 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Me using the Siri app on my iPhone: Me: "Siri, call my wife." Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts." Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife." Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife." Me: "Call my wife." Siri: "Which wife?"
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has 77.64 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: communication, phone, stupid, technology, wife
Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!" Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
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has 77.64 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar
Chuck Norris can walk on water..,he's not God...the water is just afraid of getting him wet.
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has 77.61 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
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has 77.60 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, time, women
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