Best jokes ever

Why'd the Mexican army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo? There was only two vans.
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 437 votes. More jokes about: mexican, military, racist
Chuck Norris doesn't prepare dinner; dinner knows when to be ready.
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: friendship, life
A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women. His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them. Great says his mate, what is it! Just walk up to any woman you fancy and say, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion! Does this damp piece of cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: men
I visited my new friend in his flat. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: friendship
My iPhone fell from the 20th floor. Good thing it was in airplane mode.
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: phone, technology
Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl? A: Her-She Kisses.
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: food, Valentines day, women
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue? A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: food, hipster
Q: If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? A: "Darling, could you tell me about your work."
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: accountant, wife, work
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
<<<187188189190
More jokes →
Page 187 of 1427.