The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
Q: What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? A: Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.
Get to know your mate. If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front. And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up. Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"
I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, "I have a new obstetrician."
I had a programming problem and decided to use regular expressions to solve it. Now I have two problems.
Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife? A: Meet Patty.