Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Your mama so fat she eats ice cream with a shovel.
Nate: Why was school easier for cave people? Kate: Why? Nate: Because there was no history to study!
Yo mama is so fat, she needs two Facebook accounts for her profile picture.
16 and Pregnant. 15 and Fucking. 14 and Sucking. 13 and Licking. 12 and Fingering. 11 and Touching. 9 and Kissing. 8 and Wondering. Welcome To Our Fucked Up Generation...
I bought a lottery ticket. My son asked me: "Dady if your ticket wins $100,000 what will you do?" I replied: "A travel to Europe, drink best and most expensive wines, making sex by the most beautiful actress and so on." He again asked: "If unfortunately, your ticket didn't win what would be your action?" I angrily gazed him then I told him: "I don't move here, drink some booze and beer; fuck your mother."
Chuck Norris can spit through bulletproof glass.
Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?" "Bread" "Yes" "Hamburger" "Ok" A five years girl answered "Light", "Omg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?" "Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".
Life is like a box of chocolate. It doesn't last long for fat people.
The doctor gave me one year to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him. And the judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.