Best jokes ever

There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win...they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back. "A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
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More jokes about: blonde
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely. The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating. One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it." The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
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More jokes about: beauty, desert island, dog, food, men
A man sees a fine looking woman at a bar. He steps over to her an says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples." She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your ass." He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just give you a big sloppy kiss then." She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my man kill you." "This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pussy, and drink from your cunt." She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her tits. He yells, "I'll kill him!" She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he's pissed and starts walking in his direction. She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my twat, and drink from me!" Her boy friend stops and say's "Sorry babe, I can't fuck with anyone who can drink that much beer."
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More jokes about: alcohol
Teacher: “Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?” Johnny: “I don’t know.” Teacher: “Bark, Johnny, bark.” Johnny: “Bow, wow, wow!”
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More jokes about: school
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. “Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?” Johnny says, “Yeah!”
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More jokes about: kids, little Johnny
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
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More jokes about: men
Two students talk: "What are you reading?" "Quantum physics theory book." "But why are you reading it upside-down?" "It makes no difference anyway."
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More jokes about: nerd, student, stupid
Yo mama so fat that she fell over and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up.
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More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
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More jokes about: chemistry, geek, science
Q: What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy? A: Bubblegum and you should be ashamed of yourself.
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More jokes about: sex