Best jokes ever

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?", the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Vote:
has 76.44 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Girl: I get horny everytime I hear something sexual, it's weird I know, but anyway, what's your name? Me: Sir BJ Anal The 69th.
Vote:
has 76.44 % from 783 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
Vote:
has 76.44 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
Is it true that 5 minutes of laugh prolongs your life by 5 minutes? It depends who you are laughing at – it may as well shorten it...
Vote:
has 76.44 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: life
Yo momma so stupid, she put 2 quarters to her ears and thought she was listenin’ to 50 Cent.
Vote:
has 76.43 % from 729 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Vote:
has 76.43 % from 435 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome. Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome. Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome.
Vote:
has 76.43 % from 988 votes. More jokes about: sex
All three sit down at the bar. The bartender looks at the man and says, "What'll ya have?" The man says, "Gimme a beer." The ostrich says, "I'll have one too." The cat says, "I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price." The bartender serves up four beers, and tells the man, "that'll be $12.67." The man reaches in his pocket and without even looking sets exact change down on the bar. After they finish their beers, the bartender asks, "anything else?" The man says, "Gimme a shot of bourbon." The ostrich says, "I'll have one too." The cat says, "I want a double bourbon, but I'm only gonna pay half price." The bartender serves them and says, "That's $14.03." The man reaches into his pocket and without even looking again sets exact change on the bar. After that round, the bartender says, "What else will ya have?" The man says, "I need a Jack and Coke." The ostrich says, "Me too!" The cat says, "I want two Jack and Cokes, and I'm only paying..." "Half price, I know," says the bartender. He sets them up and says, "$16.38, please." The man reaches in his pocket a third time, and again sets exact change on the bar without counting it out. The bartender asks the man, "How is it that every time you pay for your drink order, you can set exact change on the bar without looking?" The man says, "Well, some years ago I was walking on the beach in Egypt, and I found a magic lamp in the sand. I rubbed it, and a genie appeared and granted me three wishes for setting him free. So, with the first wish, I wished that no matter what I ever wanted to buy, I would always have exact change for it in my pocket." The bartender says, "That's brilliant! Most people would wish for a million or five million or whatever. This way, you'll never run out of money, you don't have to worry about carrying it, and you'll never be robbed! Absolutely brilliant." The man says, "I know, and thank you!" The bartender says, "So what did you ask for with your other two wishes?" The man said "A chick with long legs and a tight pussy."
Vote:
has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, genie, money
Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
Vote:
has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, ugly
During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle. "Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said. "What fer?" asked Pyle. "Shorter hours." "Good fer them!" said the redneck. "Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!"
Vote:
has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: geography, office, redneck, stupid, work
<<<202203204205
More jokes →
Page 202 of 1427.