A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
A Yankee from Chicago and a Texan were talking. The Yankee said, "sex is so easy where I'm from we just walk up and stick it in." The Texan said, "where I'm from we stick it in and walk up."
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator? A: The elevator can raise a child.
What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water.
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
An artist, a lawyer, and a programmer are discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce and bankruptcy. The programmer says, ‘It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. My wife thinks I’m with my mistress. My mistress thinks I’m home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!’
Chuck Norris commited suicide, and lived.
Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.