Best jokes ever

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."
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has 76.41 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, science, women
Yo Mommas so fat it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.
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has 76.40 % from 292 votes. More jokes about: car, fat, Yo mama
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without, Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell, Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee, Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.
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has 76.40 % from 593 votes. More jokes about: dirty, fish, sex
A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, "How do I get on the other side!?" The blonde says, "You are on the other side!"
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has 76.39 % from 203 votes. More jokes about: blonde, women
Elderly Man: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic." Priest: "I do not see anything wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war." Elderly Man: "I collected rent from him for every month that he stayed." Priest: "That's not a good thing you did, but it was for a good cause. You helped him survive." Elderly Man: "Should I tell him the war is over?"
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has 76.39 % from 184 votes. More jokes about: history, jewish, old people, priest, war
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss. The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way. The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went. The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.
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has 76.37 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
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has 76.37 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, catholic, church, drunk
Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water? A: Swimmers are farting.
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has 76.37 % from 259 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, sport
It can buy a House But not a Home It can buy a Bed But not Sleep It can buy a Clock But not Time It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge It can buy you a Position But not Respect It can buy you Medicine But not Health It can buy you Blood But not Life So you see, Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want totake away your pain and suffering... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. A more true Friend you will never find.
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has 76.37 % from 310 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, money, poems
Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs. Apparently none of them could sing, either.
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has 76.35 % from 212 votes. More jokes about: life, music
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