Best jokes ever

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning? Tell her a joke on Friday night.
Vote: has 76.74 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Vote: has 76.73 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

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A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers. They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find any jewelry from the girl.When the muggers had gone, the guy asked his daughter; “Did they take your new diamond ring as well dear?” “No Papa,” replied the girl with a grin, “I managed to hide it when they were searching you.” “Hide it? where?” asked the guy,” I saw them search you too.” “I slipped it into my… a… my . . .um…. pee pee place. ”said the girl shyly. “Damn!” swore the guy, “If only your mother were here, we could have saved my motor bike!”
Vote: has 76.73 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, dirty, teen
What do you call a fat Chinese prostitute? Chun Ki Ho.
Vote: has 76.73 % from 385 votes. Send joke:

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Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.
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What did the blonde say when she found out that she was pregnant? I hope it's not mine.
Vote: has 76.71 % from 138 votes. Send joke:

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A Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice." The Bangladeshi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either." Sardarji, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says "In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
Vote: has 76.70 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

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The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
Vote: has 76.69 % from 220 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, health, little Johnny, teacher
Is it true that 5 minutes of laugh prolongs your life by 5 minutes? It depends who you are laughing at – it may as well shorten it...
Vote: has 76.68 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?" "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves." "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!" "Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?" "I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!" "Help me please, please help!"
Vote: has 76.68 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, death, parrot