The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
Chuck Norris can arrive anywhere without actually leaving.
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Chuck Norris's urin is said to add 300 horse power when added to your gas.
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
Bill Gates lives in fear Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Chuck Norris went on Man vs Wild once. The Wild lost.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can paste something before he copies it.
Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.