Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something. The first redneck says to the other, "If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you." After about three hours, the second redneck finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo. The next morning, the first redneck finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the second redneck man if he did what he told him to do. The redneck answers, "Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows."
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
A Knight was getting ready for the crusade. Ha turned to his friend and told him: "My fiancée is the most beautiful girl in the world and I can't imagine her being with someone else, while I'm gone. You're my best friend and I trust you. Here's the key for her chastity belt. In case I never get back, unlock her and set her free." When the crusade Knights were a mile away from the village, the Knight gets an urgent message: "Mate, You Gave Me The Wrong Key!"
Q: What does a kitty like to eat for breakfast? A: Mice Krispies.
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!"
I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter.
Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns. Billy: Who, me? Teacher: Very good!
Chuck Norris once ran on the treadmil. It couldn't keep up.