Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without, Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell, Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee, Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she buys clothes in three sizes: large, extra large, and "Oh my God, it's coming towards us!"
Davie Jones is afraid of Chuck Norris' Locker.
Keep your friends close, and your enemies close to Chuck Norris.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out. "YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer. "Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone."
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving at 10,000 feet he jumps into the plane... from the ground.
Why are black people so good at Basketball? Cause all you have to do is RUN, SHOOT and STEAL.