Yo mama so stupid, the password needed 8 characters, so she put Snow white and the 7 dwarves.
Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?
Yo mama is so fat she fell in love and broke it.
One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon. One blonde said, " A tan for 2 please!" The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "are you two sisters?" They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."
Patient: "Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness." Doctor: "You can pay by cash, cheque or MONEY order."
Me: "I'm finally happy!" Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats".
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
My iPhone fell from the 20th floor. Good thing it was in airplane mode.
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. "What denomination?" asks the postal clerk. Mary thinks a second before replying, "Give me six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."