Why'd the Mexican army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo? There was only two vans.
Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.
A blind man ran into Chuck Norris and got his sight back. Unfortunately, the first and last thing he saw was a roundhouse kick to the face.
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns. Billy: Who, me? Teacher: Very good!
Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it? A blonde tried to shoot herself!
Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.
"Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too!"
My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
Yo mama so stupid she stuck her face into a book to make a Facebook.
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab." He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call." "Hello," the woman says. She sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."