Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets; he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
The name of the anime Soul Eater was actually inspired by one of Chuck Norris' nicknames.
Chuck Norris once rolled a dice. It landed on tails.
Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars. The last one was called the Hindenburg.
When Chuck Norris puts toast in the toaster it comes out bread.
Chuck Norris donates his beard clippings to the Army so they can make Kevlar vests.
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Scientists believe that a giant meteor killed off the dinosaurs. This is true, if you can consider Chuck Norris to be a giant meteor.
Q: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object? A: Chuck Norris is clapping.