Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets;
he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
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When Chuck Norris puts toast in the toaster it comes out bread.
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When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive.
The zombies do.
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Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security
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huck Norris was supposed to star in the tv show 'Man vs Wild', but the network did not want kids thinking 'lava is safe to eat'.
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Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris!
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a particle accelerator to collide atoms, he just smashes his fists together.
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Chuck Norris discovered America.
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Chuck Norris DNA is classified.
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Kryptonite is ancient Latin for Chuck Norris
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