Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets;
he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
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Chuck Norris does not play the lottery.
It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
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The name of the anime Soul Eater was actually inspired by one of Chuck Norris' nicknames.
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Chuck Norris once rolled a dice.
It landed on tails.
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Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars.
The last one was called the Hindenburg.
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When Chuck Norris puts toast in the toaster it comes out bread.
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Chuck Norris donates his beard clippings to the Army so they can make Kevlar vests.
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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
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Scientists believe that a giant meteor killed off the dinosaurs.
This is true, if you can consider Chuck Norris to be a giant meteor.
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Q: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object?
A: Chuck Norris is clapping.
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Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour.
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