Best jokes ever

Me using the Siri app on my iPhone: Me: "Siri, call my wife." Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts." Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife." Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife." Me: "Call my wife." Siri: "Which wife?"
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has 76.22 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: communication, phone, stupid, technology, wife
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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has 76.22 % from 935 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, sex
Yo mama so stupid, the password needed 8 characters, so she put Snow white and the 7 dwarves.
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has 76.20 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: IT, stupid, Yo mama
The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack. His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off. Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive. At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. "I've got a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to Lay You or Jack off." "Oh? jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."
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has 76.20 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: family, political, time, women, work
"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!" The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
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has 76.20 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, vulgar
Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets; he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
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has 76.20 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can find the end of a circle.
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has 76.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
George W. Bush and Bill Clinton both decided to have biographies written about them. George called him "The Three Most Powerful Men - Bush, Dick, and Colon". Bill called his "Sex Between the Bushes"
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has 76.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, political, sex
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
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has 76.19 % from 1110 votes. More jokes about: gay
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
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has 76.19 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
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