Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A: Meet Patty.
1st Eskimo: "Where did your mother come from?"
2nd Eskimo: "Alaska."
1st Eskimo: "Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself!"
Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die?
A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
Don't get upset if I ask you where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.
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In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.
Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?!"
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can’t help practicing my art!"
"That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!" the guy replied.
"I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"
I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."
I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor.
He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, "I have a new obstetrician."
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Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms.
Men say "Big deal. We can fake a whole relationship just for a shag."
A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech.
Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city."
"Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."
You must keep in shape.
My grandmother started walking five kilometers when she was 60 and now she's 97, and we don't have a clue where she is!
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