Best jokes ever

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty sit on the wall? A: Because he wanted a photograph with Pink Floyd! Q: And why did Humpty Dumpty have a big fall? A: Because Pink Floyd did not turn up!
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: music
Q: Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant? A: The tax accountant - she make's more deductions.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, tax, work
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
Vote: has 76.32 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
Boy: “I’ve just had the most awful time. First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.” Friend: “Wow! How did you pull through?” Boy: “I don’t know. Toughest spelling test I ever had!”
Vote: has 76.32 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that's how us guys feel about push-up bras!
Vote: has 76.31 % from 300 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Three guys are arrested in an adult book store and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand: "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the guy answered. "And why were you arrested?" the judge asked. "I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one. "What's your name?" he asked. "John," the guy answered. "Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked. "I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy. "What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said. "No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."
Vote: has 76.30 % from 965 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, lawyer, prison
This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney. About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed. He calmly opened his fly, took out his penis and wiped it with a handkerchief. The lady was shocked but a little too shy to say anything. About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly, grabbed his penis and wiped it off. The lady could not beleive it, and being to shy to mention it, she thought to herself, "If he does that again, I'm definitely going to mention it." Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as before. She turned to Ian and said, "That is disgusting! Must you do that in front of me?" Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm," he explained. "Really, what do you take for that?" she asked. Ian replied, "Pepper."
Vote: has 76.28 % from 116 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, dirty, food, medical, time
Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?" Little Johnny: "11" Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."
Vote: has 76.28 % from 116 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, math, stupid, teacher
Fast way to screw up someone's Knock Knock joke...? "It's open."
Vote: has 76.28 % from 373 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: knock-knock, life