Best jokes ever

My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
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has 75.96 % from 1485 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why did God create alcohol? A: So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, stupid, technology, time
God created the man.He noticed that the man is hungry he created bread . He understood the man is thirsty so he originated water. He considered the man feels cold so he created fire . At the end God recognized the man is very comfortable then he created WOMAN!!
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has 75.95 % from 60 votes. More jokes about:
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
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has 75.95 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, work
You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means? You Matter.
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has 75.95 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: life
Twin brother were in a same class. Teacher ask them to write their father’s name. They wrote different name. Teacher was shocked and ask them why did they wrote the different names. They reply, ” Now you wont say that we cheated”.
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has 75.95 % from 213 votes. More jokes about: school, teacher
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
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has 75.94 % from 586 votes. More jokes about: kids
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
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has 75.94 % from 327 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral, husband, racist, wife
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?” “1956,” was his reply. “No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!” “I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”
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has 75.94 % from 390 votes. More jokes about: sex, time, women
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