Best jokes ever

A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering out a local bar, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "You're Passionate." They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're Passionate." The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!" She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, bar, cop, old people, women
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, phone
Why do women love Hunters the best as lovers? 1. Hunters have the longest and most powerful rifles. 2. Hunters always....shoot twice. 3. Hunters love to...eat what they shoot!
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: hunting, love, women
When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!" They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately. If only men would listen...
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, men, women
The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight. The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab. They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, animal, death, life
Two computers in the same LAN chatting one night: PC1: I was having a nightmare last night, it was so horrible. PC2: Why, what did you dream about ? PC1: I was sleeping, dreaming 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 when all of a sudden a 2 popped up!
Vote: has 76.05 % from 110 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, IT
Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?
Vote: has 76.03 % from 1124 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden he needed to go the bathroom. He yelled out "Miss Jones I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now Johnny that is NOT the proper word to use in the situation. The correct word you want is urinate. Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit then says " You're an eight but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!"
Vote: has 76.02 % from 167 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny