Best jokes ever

Q: How do you make four old ladies say "FUCK!"? A: Get a fifth one to yell "BINGO!"
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has 74.96 % from 626 votes. More jokes about: sex
Yo momma's so fat; she's on both sides of the family!
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has 74.95 % from 357 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
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has 74.94 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, hunting, math, nerd
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
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has 74.94 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, time
A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my child?" The priest asks back. "Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible." "When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest. "I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Father." Said the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away." Is THAT when you swore?" asked the Father again. "Well, no." said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed Priest. "No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient Priest. "No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole." "You missed the f**king putt, didn't you?" sighed the Priest.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life
The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?" I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: wife, women
I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café. They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman's. "What type of pie is Herman's?" I asked the waiter. "Apple," he said. "Then why is it called Herman's pie?" "Because Herman called in to reserve it."
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, food
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
Why Coffee Is Better Than Women: - A cup of coffee looks good in the morning. - You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee. - You won't get arrested for picking up coffee on the street at 3 a.m. - You can make coffee as sweet as you want. - You can get cup after cup of different coffees all day long. - No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee. - Coffee doesn't talk to you. - Most coffee is hot, unless you request it otherwise. - Coffee stains are easier to remove. - Coffee is ready in 10 minutes or less. - When coffee gets cold, you can throw it away. - When you drink coffee, you don't end up with a pube in the back of your throat. - Coffee doesn't take up half your bed and all the hot water.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life
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