A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever." The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there." So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour. Finally, the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it. He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris douses all his food in diesel fuel and sets it on fire, 'cuz he likes it mildly spicy.
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na
Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
When Chuck Norris donates blood he refuses the needle, he asks for a knife and a bucket.
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. – Abe Lemons
When Superman wants vacation time it has to be approved by Chuck Norris.
Prisons don’t keep society safe from criminals. Prisons keep criminals safe from Chuck Norris, for now.