Best jokes ever

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party in a bar. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit. "And why not, darling?", the father asked. You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
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More jokes about: bar, drunk, kids
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
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More jokes about: business, Christmas
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
They once had a showing of Walker Texas Ranger in 3D. There where no survivors.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off: "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses." Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job... Lead us not into temptation."
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More jokes about: age, life, time
Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most? A: Fry-days.
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More jokes about: easter, food
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job? A: Because he didn't get arrays.
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More jokes about: IT, money, programmer, work
Chuck Norris uses flatbed trailers as roller skates.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Man walks into a bar and sits next to another customer. Bartender comes over and says to the new customer, "what can I get you?" Customer says "bourbon and coke." Bartender looks at first customer and says another "beer Jackass?" He says nods his head yes. 10 minutes later bartender comes back to check to see if customer wants another bourbon and coke and customer says "sure." Bartender looks at first customer and says "another beer Jackass?" And customer nods yes. Bourbon and coke customer says to beer customer, "Man you are the customer, don't le t that bartender talk to you like that." Beer customer says "it's ok he al, he al, He always calls me that!"
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More jokes about: alcohol, bar, communication, customer service, vulgar
The Swiss army uses a Chuck Norris knife.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris