Best jokes ever

A man is on a plane. The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on. The pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a blowjob." Stuartist runs up the isle to tell the pilot to turn off the intercom. The man stands up and says, "Hey hun, dont forget the coffee."
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has 75.20 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice." The Bangladeshi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either." Sardarji, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says "In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
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has 75.20 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
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has 75.19 % from 1447 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
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has 75.19 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale." A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they’re dam fish." The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish. His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren’t supposed to talk like that." The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish. His son replied, "That’s the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"
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has 75.18 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: kids
I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
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has 75.17 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: black humor, sport, time
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.” “We don’t have any,” replied the first blonde. “Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses,” said the Game Warden. “But officer,” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.” The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden. “Take all the debris you want.” And with that, he left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the other two. “Doesn’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?”
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has 75.17 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: blonde, cop, fish
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
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has 75.17 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, money
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
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has 75.16 % from 161 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Things Your Wife Won't Say: The smell of beer on your breath drives me wild. I'm bored. Let's shave the p***y. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house. Let's get a good porno movie, a case of beer, and make an afternoon of it. God, if I don't blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust! I only signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head. Let's subscribe to Hustler. Let's take pictures so your friends will believe you. Honey, our neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again. Come see! Awesome fart! Do another one!
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has 75.15 % from 268 votes. More jokes about: beer, fart, marriage, wife
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