Best jokes ever

One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Murphy’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents. "Was that all you wanted?" Murphy replied, "I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve got in me shoe!"
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has 75.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: money, travel
Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!
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has 75.91 % from 510 votes. More jokes about: insulting, sport, Yo mama
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
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has 75.91 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
A man gets shipwrecked on a small island. After a few days wandering, he comes across a tribe of natives who have just lost their chieftan. The tribe's high priest tells the man that as he is the first outsider they have seen in twenty years, he must take three tests. If he passes al three tests, the tribe will accept him as their new chief. "Fair enough," says the man. "Just let me know what the tests are and I'll get right on them." The piest takes him to a clearing with three straw huts in it, turns to the man and explains the tests. "In the first hut, you'll find 20 gallons of our native beer. You must drink all of this to complete this test. In the second hut is a gorilla with a sore tooth. You must pull his tooth and survive to pass this test. In the third hut is the ex-chieftan's daughter. You must make love to her until she can take nomore." The man agrees to the tests and begns the first test. Three hours later, he walks out of the hut and goes toward the second hut. The priest asks if he would like to have a rest, but the man says he wants to get all the tests done before he sleeps. He goes into th second hut. After two hours he comes out covered from head to toe in blood and sctratches. He turns to the priest and says "Now lead me to the girl with the sore tooth."
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has 75.91 % from 975 votes. More jokes about: beer, desert island, love, priest, sex
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" ‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent, "An Angel brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the angel brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
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has 75.90 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, teacher
If Chuck Norris was on Minute to Win it, they would need 59 seconds of filler.
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has 75.90 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo mamma so old she pre-order the bible.
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has 75.90 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: age, bible, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama is so fat, she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack.
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has 75.90 % from 349 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
Q: Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left everything to his beloved widow? A: She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
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has 75.90 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: age, death, redneck, wife
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
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has 75.89 % from 194 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral, husband, racist, wife
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