Ghosts actually have their own kind of tv. The show that scares them the most is called "Chuck Norris Caught On Tape".
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." Boy: "Really?" Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party in a bar. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit. "And why not, darling?", the father asked. You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
They once had a showing of Walker Texas Ranger in 3D. There where no survivors.