Benefits of having Alzheimer's:
You can wrap your own presents.
You are always meeting new friends.
Vote:
Q: Why did the blond layout on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?
A: She wanted to get a dark tan.
I lost 125 pounds.
It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!
A blonde's house is on fire.
She runs outside and yells, "Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"
Someone else yells, "Call 911!"
The blonde yells back, "What's the number?"
When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
Vote:
Dog Property Laws
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If it just looks like mine, its mine.
8. If I saw it first, its mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If its broken, its yours.
Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What sort of answer did you have in mind?
A: None - just assume it's changed.
Vote:
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"
The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
Vote:
What a woman says…
This place is a mess! C’mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You’ll have no clothes to wear if we
don’t do laundry right now!
What a man hears…
blah blah blah blah blah C’MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."