I bought a lottery ticket.
My son asked me: "Dady if your ticket wins $100,000 what will you do?"
I replied: "A travel to Europe, drink best and most expensive wines, making sex by the most beautiful actress and so on."
He again asked: "If unfortunately, your ticket didn't win what would be your action?"
I angrily gazed him then I told him: "I don't move here, drink some booze and beer; fuck your mother."
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?"
Mom: "Because he never lies."
Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
Why did the blonde build a bridge across the river?
So she could have shade when she swam across!
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
A blonde says to her doctor, "Each time I try to sip my coffee, my eye hurts."
The doctor says, "Maybe you should take the stirrer out of the cup."
A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city.
Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse.
The farmer welcomed them in but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals.
After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn.
Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse.
The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep.
There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig.
The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief.
A short time later, another knock was heard at the door.
The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death.
The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn.
This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door.
When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.
Dad, would you like to save some money?
I certainly would, son.
Any suggestions? Sure.
Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.
Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.
Vote:
I couldn't understand why it hurts a lot when you bite your tongue accidentally, but it doesn't hurt when you bite it intentionally, and what I couldn't understand most is why you're biting your tongue right now?!