Yo mama is so ugly, she couldn't join an ugly contest, because was treated as a professional.
Hitler wasn't such a bad guy.
After all, he did kill Hitler.
A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones.
The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them.
The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones.
Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones.
A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor.
Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.
I'll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.
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I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
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“Dad, can you write in the dark?”
“I think so. What is it you want me to write?”
“Your name on this report card.”
Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald.
He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant.
"I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
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Yo mama is so old that when she walked out of a museum the alarm went off.
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