Best jokes ever

Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer, work
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: "What do you want? " Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: christian, communication, ethnic, heaven, time
Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover? A: His ass!
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, horse, vulgar
Chuck Norris' favorite game is winning.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game
I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm sexy". Some days I just stand at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly
Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Two blond girls are discussing: "Yesterday during the blackout I got stuck in the elevator for three whole hours!" "Tell me about it! I got stuck too in the escalators."
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: blonde
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: men
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin... that he built with his bare hands.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass. "Why do you have a cork up your ass?" "Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!"
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has 74.78 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: genie, life
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