Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What sort of answer did you have in mind?
A: None - just assume it's changed.
Vote:
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"
The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
Vote:
What a woman says…
This place is a mess! C’mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You’ll have no clothes to wear if we
don’t do laundry right now!
What a man hears…
blah blah blah blah blah C’MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor.
Did you hear about the man whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
Vote:
Q: When do accountants laugh out loud?
A: When somebody asks for a raise.
Vote:
Yo mama is so ugly, she couldn't join an ugly contest, because was treated as a professional.
A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones.
The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them.
The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones.
Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones.
A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor.
Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.