Q: When do accountants laugh out loud?
A: When somebody asks for a raise.
Vote:
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor.
Yo mama is so ugly, she couldn't join an ugly contest, because was treated as a professional.
A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones.
The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them.
The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones.
Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones.
A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor.
Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.
I'll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.
Vote:
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
Vote:
“Dad, can you write in the dark?”
“I think so. What is it you want me to write?”
“Your name on this report card.”
Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.