Best jokes ever

What a woman says… This place is a mess! C’mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and You’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do laundry right now! What a man hears… blah blah blah blah blah C’MON! YOU AND I blah blah blah blah! blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!

Did you hear about the man whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Q: When do accountants laugh out loud? A: When somebody asks for a raise.

Yo mama is so ugly, she couldn't join an ugly contest, because was treated as a professional.

A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them. The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones. A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor. Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."

Knock-knock Who's there? Fuck. Fuck who? You.

I'll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.

We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.

I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.

“Dad, can you write in the dark?” “I think so. What is it you want me to write?” “Your name on this report card.”