Chuck Norris can split the atom.
With his bare hands.
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I didn't fall down, I attacked the floor.
An airplane was about to crash.
There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die."
So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die."
He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
Nate: Why was school easier for cave people?
Kate: Why?
Nate: Because there was no history to study!
Yo Momma so fat, she rolled out of bed and everybody thought there was an earthquake.
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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My wife and I really love bondage.
She loves it because she's a kinky bitch.
I love it because I get to gag her for a couple of hours.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism.
Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government.
We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people.
The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future.
Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
A woman asked her lover, "Would you keep f*ck me that much even after marriage?
He replied, "Sure dear, if your husband had no objection."
what do black people and bicycles have in common?
They only work with a chain on.
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