Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear... Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear
Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to. He knows CPR.
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? A: He was having a bad hare day!
Los Angeles Homeless... Homeless people here are different. You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
When Chuck Norris falls over, the ground needs a band-aid
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes.
Kanye West interupted Chuck Norris and became Kanye East.
Johny came crying. Dad: "What happened?" Johny: "Today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out." Dad: "That's bad, but why you are crying?" Johny: "I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped me."
Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court? A: For charges of battery.