Q: How are women and tornadoes alike?
A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
A teacher:"John, I hope I won't see you're cheating."
John:"Me either."
An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada.
Suddenly his car gets broken.
He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called.
But the chief has only $4, and no credit card. So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: "Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!"
The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back – once again, with the smoke:
"OK, chief, but why so much?"
At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby.
A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky...
The tribe signals:
"Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?"
Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
A: Because the river was too mainstream.
Chuck Norris knows no fear but fear has been known to hide from Chuck Norris.
Vote:
How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they've never done it.
Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
Vote:
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!"
After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement.
He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggled and replied, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!