Best jokes ever

Did you hear about the new book about anti-gravity? I just can't seem to put it down.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, science
"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny. "Let's play schools," said Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: friendship, game, school
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.” The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!” Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal
One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon. One blonde said, " A tan for 2 please!" The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "are you two sisters?" They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: blonde
I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, time, wine
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
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has 73.43 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: geek, life, math, science
Two girlfriends meet again after a few years. One is pushing around a baby buggy. The first girlfriend looks at the baby and is perplexed. "Black skin? Blue slit eyes? A blonde afro? How did you do that?" Murmurs the other woman. "Damn gangbang! At least he doesn't bark!"
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has 73.42 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, racist, sex, time
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: food, lawyer
Teacher: What makes you see? Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears. Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose? Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: school
*WINS AN OSCAR* Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: life
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