Best jokes ever

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, relationship, time
While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, customer service, death, work
Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven. "I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven. But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off." So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a naked woman walk by so his wings falll off. When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: men
Chuck Norris has only played Pacman twice, and beat the game both times. The ghosts were too afraid to leave their little box to try to stop him.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game
Spilled milk cries over Chuck Norris.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: "What do you want? " Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: christian, communication, ethnic, heaven, time
I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm sexy". Some days I just stand at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly
Two blond girls are discussing: "Yesterday during the blackout I got stuck in the elevator for three whole hours!" "Tell me about it! I got stuck too in the escalators."
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Relationship status - table for one but drinks for two.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, single
A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass. "Why do you have a cork up your ass?" "Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!"
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has 74.78 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: genie, life
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