Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the lightbulb must really want to change.
Vote:
I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
In the courtroom where I worked as a court reporter, a dentist was called as a witness.
He took the oath a few feet from my desk, and I noticed his upraised arm was trembling, apparently from nervousness.
After he finished, I couldn't resist saying softly, "Sit down, Doctor. This won't hurt a bit."
Did you hear about the new book about anti-gravity?
I just can't seem to put it down.
Vote:
"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny.
"Let's play schools," said Jenny.
"OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."
Vote:
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?
Boobies.
Teacher: What makes you see?
Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!
*WINS AN OSCAR*
Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.
On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother."
Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunk."