Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
People have near-death experiences. Death has Near-Chuck-Norris experiences.
Yo mama so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death! Yo mama so dumb she stole a free cookie!
The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anyone have an example of a multisyllabic word?" Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!" The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?" Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate." The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful." Little Johnny says, "No, ma'am, you're thinking of a blow job. I'm talking about jerking off."
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"
Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.
Yo Momma so fat that when she puts on her yellow rain coat and walks down the street people shout out cab!
What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.
Yo mamma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip-flops.
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"