Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong.
He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS!
When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Justin Bieber puked on stage.
That settles it, she's pregnant.
Patient: Doc I keep on forgetting things.
Doctor: Since when did you have these problems?
Patient: What problems?
Why did the white guy go to the black guy's yard sale?
To get his stuff back.
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Chuck Norris takes care of his guardian angel.
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Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snow blower coming.
When Chuck Norris crosses the pacific, swimming, sharks hear the "Jaws" music.
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I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word "Mother-in-law" you get the words "Woman Hitler".
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Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario.
As they were writing up the ticket, one oficer turned to the other and said: "How do you spell Mississauga?"
The other one replied: "I don't know."
So the first one said: "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed."
The second oficer said: "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?"
One morning a boy walks in to class late
His substitute teacher asks him "Where have you been"
He replies "Throwing pebbles at a car"
15 minutes later a girl walks in the teacher asks 'where have you been' she answers "throwing pebbles at a car"
2 hours later a young girl comes in all bruised and dirty the teacher asks "Let me guess you were throwing pebbles at a car" she answers "No miss, I am pebbles"