Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario.
As they were writing up the ticket, one oficer turned to the other and said: "How do you spell Mississauga?"
The other one replied: "I don't know."
So the first one said: "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed."
The second oficer said: "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?"
One morning a boy walks in to class late
His substitute teacher asks him "Where have you been"
He replies "Throwing pebbles at a car"
15 minutes later a girl walks in the teacher asks 'where have you been' she answers "throwing pebbles at a car"
2 hours later a young girl comes in all bruised and dirty the teacher asks "Let me guess you were throwing pebbles at a car" she answers "No miss, I am pebbles"
Teacher: Your behaviour reminds me of square root of 2?
Student: Why?
Teacher: Because its’ completely irrational.
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him.
That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
A 6 year old boy asks his daddy:
Daddy, where did I come from to this life?
You were brought by a stork.
That's strange, you have such a pretty wife, but nevertheless you're fucking a stork.
Black man walked into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender asks, "Where did you get it?"
The parrot says, "Africa…"
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: They already have boyfriends.
Vote:
HR manager to job candidate: ‘I see you’ve had no computer training.
Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.’
Vote:
FOUR stages of girl & boy relation!
1. hand in hand.
2. that in hand.
3. hand in that.
4. that in that.
Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?"
Patient: "What pills?"