Best jokes ever

Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario. As they were writing up the ticket, one oficer turned to the other and said: "How do you spell Mississauga?" The other one replied: "I don't know." So the first one said: "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed." The second oficer said: "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?"
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has 73.31 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: cop
Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t". Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.
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has 73.31 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: school
I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks". How right they were.
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has 73.31 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: black humor
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters." "OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?" "You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner. "Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?" "That," says the man, "is your first worry."
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has 73.31 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, graduation, money, work
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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has 73.31 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: bar, chemistry, nerd
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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has 73.31 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
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has 73.31 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant.
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has 73.28 % from 265 votes. More jokes about: baby, Yo mama
When terrorists feed their children, do they use the airplane method of "open wide" while making airplane noises? Or do they just smash it into their faces?
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has 73.27 % from 338 votes. More jokes about: airplane, kids, racist, terrorist
Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!" The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!" The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''
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has 73.27 % from 346 votes. More jokes about: god, sport
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