Best jokes ever

Question: Why did God give men penises? Answer: So men would at least have one way to shut a woman up.
Vote:
has 73.26 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: god, women
One morning a boy walks in to class late His substitute teacher asks him "Where have you been" He replies "Throwing pebbles at a car" 15 minutes later a girl walks in the teacher asks 'where have you been' she answers "throwing pebbles at a car" 2 hours later a young girl comes in all bruised and dirty the teacher asks "Let me guess you were throwing pebbles at a car" she answers "No miss, I am pebbles"
Vote:
has 73.26 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: car, school, time
Chuck Norris' shadow stays ten steps behind him in fear of a roundhouse kick.
Vote:
has 73.25 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo momma so stupid she got hit by a parked car!
Vote:
has 73.25 % from 281 votes. More jokes about: car, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Chuck Norris dosn't need a bullet proof vest because the bullets wouldn't dare hit him.
Vote:
has 73.25 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: What do you call a redneck that's bursting into flames? A: A fire cracker.
Vote:
has 73.25 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: racist, redneck
Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
Vote:
has 73.24 % from 402 votes. More jokes about: animal, drug, sex
There are no such things as Chuck Norris haters...just people with short lives.
Vote:
has 73.23 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Once there was this man whose car broke down. He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch. He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in. But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.'' She let him sleep in the laundry room. He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters. After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed. Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down. Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!'' He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable. Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it. In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule. Watch out.'' He was sent onto the porch to sleep. All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him. Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald. Here came the grandma. ''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.'' The cops came and requested a description of what happened. The old lady said, ''That man is a damned rapist. He pulled down my pants, slapped my ass and shaved my pussy!''
Vote:
has 73.23 % from 203 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My wife and I really love bondage. She loves it because she's a kinky bitch. I love it because I get to gag her for a couple of hours.
Vote:
has 73.23 % from 203 votes. More jokes about: love, sex, wife
<<<284285286287
More jokes →
Page 284 of 1428.