Yo mama is so fat that when she asked, "Why is the grass always greener on the other side?"
Everyone replied, "'Cause you aren't standing on it."
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Yo Mommas so stupid she got lost in a telephone booth.
When Chuck Norris falls into a puddle of water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
This is just a joke, we know Chuck Norris doesn't fall..ever
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In the morning Little Johnny says to his father, "Daddy last night I had my first s*xual encounter."
His father looks at him proudly and says, "When are you planniing to do it again?"
"I don't know daddy ever since it happened my ass has been hurting like crazy."
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me,
"Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it."
I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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Chuck Norris can Moonwalk on the Sun.
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Three men are sitting naked in the sauna.
Suddenly there is a beeping sound.
The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops.
The others look at him questioningly.
"That's my pager," he says.
"I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings.
The second man lifts his palm to his ear.
When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna.
In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear.
The others raise their eyebrows.
"I'm getting a fax," he explains.
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A policeman arrested two kids on bonfire night.
One for drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
He charged one and let the other one off.
You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.
What is the sharpest thing in the world?
A Fart.
It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.
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