Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day?
A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
I went to an ISIS birthday party once.
The musical chairs were a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick.
Girls are like an internet virus:
they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...
What's the flattest surface you can iron your clothes on?
Asian girl's ass.
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from
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Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?
Tommy: At the great airports!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.
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How do they name Chinese baby's?
They throw silverware down the stairs until they hear something they like.
Teacher: Ramu, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Ramu: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
Teacher: No, that's wrong
Ramu: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
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