Chuck Norris dosn't need a gun, he points an says pow!
Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
As someone died, Saint. Peter gave him a tour to the new place.
While wandering he sees an old familiar guy who was accompanied by a very ugly woman.
He asks Saint Peter: "But how does the man walks around with a woman like that when he spent his life with the most beautiful women?"
"Oh my child, he killed a pigeon when he was alive and now he is being punished."
They walk further down, and meets another friend with a frighteningly ugly women.
"Holy God but he was circulated only by models when he was alive, how come he withstands this now?"
"O my child that man killed two pigeons when he was alive."
They continued wandering and suddenly he sees someone who was so ugly and stupid and never had any woman when he lived.
But he was accompanied by THE WOMAN!
Extra tall and hotty.
The man lost his mind.
"Holy God, but such an ugly face with such a gorgeous woman?"
"Yes my son, but this hotty burned the whole pigeon house, when she was alive!"
The only reason Godzilla goes back into the ocean is because Chuck Norris is expecting him... for dinner.
Chuck Norris couldn't act in Titanic because he would have saved everyone.
According to CNN, Chuck Norris was commanding the SEAL team in Afghanistan.
When Osama found that out, he shot himself in the head.
"Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!"
"Was it a Jersey cow?"
"I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!"
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey.
The country there now is only an impostor.
Chuck Norris gets a the highest score possible on Wii Fit by sitting down.
There once was a gal named Lewinsky,
Who played music like a Stravinsky.
"Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef.
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
"We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski.
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that goo off of your chinsky."
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown.
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is better.
Than a bomb in a letter.
Given the choice of how to be blown.