Best jokes ever

A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD." The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that."
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, drunk
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: age, health, medical, old people, student
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: animal, horse, old people
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: cop, lawyer, wife
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: car, chemistry, nerd
Q: What's object-oriented way to become wealthy? A: Inheritance.
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: coding, IT, nerd
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day. She showed it to me, and it was BDSM. She asked me "What we should do?" Me: "Probably not spank him." She belted me with the magazine. Now I know where he gets it from.
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, life, wife
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 202 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, Chuck Norris, death, life
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob? A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob.
Vote:
has 70.99 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, wife
<<<339340341342
More jokes →
Page 339 of 1427.