Best jokes ever

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"
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has 70.81 % from 913 votes. More jokes about: golf, marriage, time, wife, women
When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.
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has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
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has 70.79 % from 535 votes. More jokes about: animal, Facebook, technology
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
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has 70.77 % from 334 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, fat, Yo mama
Chuck Norris teaches math to solve its own problems.
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has 70.77 % from 367 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, math, teacher
Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
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has 70.76 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!
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has 70.76 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: internet, stupid, technology, weather
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, they just declare darkness the standard!
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has 70.76 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, light bulb, technology
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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has 70.75 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, love, men
Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
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has 70.75 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, food, political, Thanksgiving, time
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