Best jokes ever

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Vote: has 72.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, lawyer, wife
Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mum asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
Vote: has 72.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids, kitty
A little boy asked his mother: Mummy, why are you white and I am black? Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.
Vote: has 72.28 % from 572 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.
Vote: has 72.27 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, Chuck Norris, phone, travel
An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks "What's your problem, Soldier? "Chronic syphilis, Sir!" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!" "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front lines, Sir!" "Good man!" says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir!" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!" "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front lines, Sir!" "Good man!" says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic gum disease, Sir!" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!" "What's your ambition?" "To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other two - Sir!"
Vote: has 72.27 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. "No!" yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. "For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?" The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"
Vote: has 72.27 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.
Vote: has 72.27 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, music
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Vote: has 72.27 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war
Q. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman? A. Cause you have to hollow out it's head!
Vote: has 72.26 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.” A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.” The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
Vote: has 72.26 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids