Best jokes ever

Q: What did the grape say when it was crushed? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, wine
A blonde enters a library. She goes to the counter and says "I'll like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola." The librarian says "Ma'am this is library." So the blonde leans in and whispers "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola."
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: blonde, business, food, stupid
Client: "Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence." Me: "You mean... the period?" Client: "I don't care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it."
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, stupid, work
Chuck Norris teaches math to solve its own problems.
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has 70.69 % from 366 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, math, teacher
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
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has 70.69 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship, romantic, Valentines day
A married couple was walking down the street when an alien spacecraft landed in front of them. A married alien couple walked out and said, "Hello, earthlings, we come in peace. We are scientists from the planet GRUDO-X and we want you to tell us all about your planet." So they talked for hours, until they came to the subject of sex. The humans told the aliens how humans have sex and the aliens were in shock! It was very similar to the way the aliens did it. The men in the group decided to have a little experiment with switching wives for a night. When the human woman saw the alien man undress, she immediately laughed at his "thing." The alien looked down and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot." And he hit his head twice and "it" grew at least two feet. The woman said "Wow! That's impressive, but I could snap that thing if I wanted to." So the alien pulled his ears twice and it expanded. The two had the greatest sex of their lives. The next morning the human man came for his wife and asked, "How was it?" The wife replied, "Great!" The man said, "Well, for some strange reason thealien woman kept jumping on me, pulling my ears and hitting me on the head, screaming, "It's broken! It's broken!"
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has 70.68 % from 605 votes. More jokes about: marriage, science, sex
What is 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period.
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has 70.66 % from 207 votes. More jokes about: math, sex
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"
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has 70.65 % from 908 votes. More jokes about: golf, marriage, time, wife, women
Yo mamas so poor she traded her car for gas money.
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has 70.60 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: car, money, Yo mama
So I asked a blonde, "Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?" She said, "The Sun, because I can look up and see it.
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has 70.59 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: blonde
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