What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A p***y - because you gotta leave your bags outside!
Q: 0 is false and 1 is true, right?
A: 1.
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
A man goes to a bar with his dog.
He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"
The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me."
The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua.
The first guys sees him, stops him and says
"You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink.
The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bartender says, "No, I don't think so.
They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Dad, would you like to save some money?
I certainly would, son.
Any suggestions? Sure.
Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.
Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends.
The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey."
Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?...Sugar."
So now, the third guy is under pressure.
He has to come up with something good.
After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."
Q: What do you call a violent minority?
A: A thug.
Q: What do you call a violent white guy?
A: Officer.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Vote:
Marriages are made in Heaven – but then again, so are thunder and lightning.