Chuck Norris is so hot he makes the sun sweat.
Q: Why do blondes have "TGIF" on their shoes? A: "Toes go in first."
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Chuck norris once ate a rubix cube and pooped it out solved.
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks, physics decides to shut up.
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
Most leading hand sanitizers say that they can kil 99.99% of all germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of WHATEVER HE WANTS.
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?" He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had sex with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have sex with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
They say, "You can't fight city hall", but Chuck Norris can. It's not much of a fight....