Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris does, in fact, put his pants on two legs at a time.
Vote:
has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A very fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk, "I would like to see a bikini that fits me." Clerk, "me too..."
Vote:
has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: women
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !
Vote:
has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: military
I went to an ISIS birthday party once. The musical chairs were a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick.
Vote:
has 72.26 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: birthday, music, party, terrorist
Teacher: "I will call your parents!" Elementary student: "No! I’ll be a good boy!" Junior High School Student: "Pffff… Anyway…" High School Student: "Send my mother my greetings!"
Vote:
has 72.26 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: school, student, teacher
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
Vote:
has 72.26 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered. "I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said. "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample". After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?" "He needs a pair of your underwear".
Vote:
has 72.26 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, drug, husband, wife
Why did the white guy go to the black guy's yard sale? To get his stuff back.
Vote:
has 72.23 % from 1122 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist, white people
Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed. Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!" Grandma: "The better to see you with, my dear." Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what big ears you have!" Grandma: "The better to hear you with, my dear." Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what a big mouth you have!" Grandma: "Of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's d**k?!"
Vote:
has 72.22 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Bill Gates goes to purgatory. St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds. Bill chooses Hell. About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons. Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?" St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."
Vote:
has 72.22 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, heaven, women
<<<345346347348
More jokes →
Page 345 of 1391.