Best jokes ever

Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!
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More jokes about: fat, fitness, food, gym
Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Facebook: "My kids are perfect." Instagram: "My kids are beautiful." Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
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More jokes about: internet, kids
When Chuck Norris plays dodge ball... the balls dodge him.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
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More jokes about: insulting, kids, Yo mama
Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!" "What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?" "No," says Johnny. "It's salty."
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More jokes about: disgusting, gay, little Johnny
When Bell invented the telephone, there were already three Chuck Noris missed calls.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
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More jokes about: black humor
Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it. Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
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More jokes about: dirty


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