Best jokes ever

A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He had the tickets in his hand. Next, it was the birthday boy's turn. He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
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has 70.48 % from 327 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, couple, gay, party
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No.". Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he is busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now startled. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The searching team just landed the hello-copper!" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me."
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has 70.47 % from 294 votes. More jokes about: cop, kids, little Johnny
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
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has 70.46 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: black humor
James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.
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has 70.45 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can fly a submarine.
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has 70.45 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: 0 is false and 1 is true, right? A: 1.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, IT, nerd
Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: dad, money
Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common? A: You always hear about them but never see them.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender
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