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Chuck Norris dosn't have a star on Hollywood Blvd he has a constellation.
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Q: What animal could Noah not trust? A: Cheetah.
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A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
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Chuck Norris can make a snowman with sand.
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A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk. The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years." The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "Food cold!" the man replied. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?" "Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "I quit!" said the man. "Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
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Chuck Norris reads with his eyes closed.
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Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In the mainstream.
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Q: What do you get when you take a Kitty Kat to the tailor? A: Bad Blood.
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Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
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Allstate gets insurance from Chuck Norris, because even Allstate needs to be in good hands.
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