Best jokes ever

I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: airplane, lawyer
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!" "I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." With that, the bartender looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A first-grade teacher can't 
believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl. "It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?" "Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student. "Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?" "Then I'd be a football fan."
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: football, student, teacher
Yo momma so stupid she thought that doctor pepper could heal her.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, health, stupid, Yo mama
A man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called "the George Bush Watch" and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says "you are suppose to read his lips." He then looks at a watch called the "Ross Perot Watch" and notices that it isn’t running – the sales clerk tells him "it runs, it doesn’t run, it runs, it doesn’t run..." He then notices a watch called the "Bill Clinton Watch" and sees that it runs, has hands and looks like a pretty good watch. He asks the sales clerk how much. The sales clerk replies "$19.95 plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax..."
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: money
Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don't like your friend." The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I can't believe it, it really is a boy." That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.
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has 70.17 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: gay, geography, men, sex, women
Their was a camel and elephant, the elephant said to the camel. "How come you have your t*ts on your back?" and the camel got offended so he told the elephant. "Well why do you have your d*ck on your face?"
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has 70.16 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
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has 70.14 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music
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