Yo mama is so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can startle his own reflection.
A blonde says to her doctor, "Each time I try to sip my coffee, my eye hurts." The doctor says, "Maybe you should take the stirrer out of the cup."
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."
Q: What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers. Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.
Yo momma so old... Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong. He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS! When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.