Whenever Chuck Norris rolls a 6 sided dice, he always rolls a 7.
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job. "Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks. "I can do great bird impressions", the man replies. "Pssh, a lot of people can do that". "Oh well", the man says and flies away.
Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?" "No, I'm still alive."
Most kids pee their name into snow... Chuck Norris pisses his in concreate...
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A rumor.
Two elderly ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at the country club. "We're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black," said Mrs. Smith. "Oh my," said Mrs. Jones, "I'd better not go."
Chuck Norris can get a Black-Jack with one card.
Chuck Norris holds the world record for most push ups done in a hour, the number is all of them.
Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve? A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.