Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
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Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.
Client: "Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence."
Me: "You mean... the period?"
Client: "I don't care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it."
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Eminem says "I'm not afraid".
Chuck Norris says "I love the way you lie"
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Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion?
A: It was too current.
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere?
Yak the Ripper.
Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor.
The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.
Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor.
This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said, "There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit."
After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor’s son wearing trousers made of the same cloth.
Perplexed, he asked, "Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?"
"It’s very simple," replied the tailor, "The other tailor has two sons."
Einstein and a colleague were sitting having a coffee chatting about physics. His colleague suddenly stopped, pulled out a small notebook and wrote a couple of words in it.rnEinstein asked "What was that for?" rnHis colleague replied. "I always carry a small notebook around with me, and then, if ever I have a good idea, I can make a quick note so as not to forget it later. You should try it Albert".rnEinstein replied "Oh, I don't need one of those, I've only ever had two good ideas".
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