Chuck Norris had to write a story on bravery he got a A+ for writting his name.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then voice in my head says: "Haha nice one!" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
It's not the fall that kills you, it's Chuck Norris waiting for you at the bottom.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
The Bible says I'll pay for my sins. I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
Q: What does a kitty like to eat for breakfast? A: Mice Krispies.
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Give her an M&M bag, and tell her to alphabetize it.
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!