A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island. After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford. They build a lean-to and find some food and water. After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate. The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree. "What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?" "Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?" "A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it. "Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?" "Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right." "Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?
Client: "Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence." Me: "You mean... the period?" Client: "I don't care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it."
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water.
Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
A tomato walks into work and a potato says: "Hello, Tomatoe..." He responds: "My name is not Tomatoe, it's just Tomato. How would you like it if I called you "Potatoe"? "Well, that would just be weird because my name is Rick!"
Jill: "How did you find the weather on your vacation?" Bill: "I just went outside and there it was!"