Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
It was reported this week that Google would soon launch its own cellphone as a challenge to the iPhone. Also a challenge to the iPhone? Making phone calls.
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering out a local bar, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "You're Passionate." They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're Passionate." The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!" She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised? A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment? Walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school. Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?" "Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
What do you call a gay guy with a sixteen-inch d**k? A pain in the ass!