Best jokes ever

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: age, death, insulting
A tomato walks into work and a potato says: "Hello, Tomatoe..." He responds: "My name is not Tomatoe, it's just Tomato. How would you like it if I called you "Potatoe"? "Well, that would just be weird because my name is Rick!"
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, work
Jill: "How did you find the weather on your vacation?" Bill: "I just went outside and there it was!"
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: holiday, stupid, weather
Eminem says "I'm not afraid". Chuck Norris says "I love the way you lie"
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has 70.01 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, music
They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them. The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!' 'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?' Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'" The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'" The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whore!' And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whore? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"
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has 70.01 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, war, women
Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion? A: It was too current.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: hipster, time
Einstein and a colleague were sitting having a coffee chatting about physics. His colleague suddenly stopped, pulled out a small notebook and wrote a couple of words in it.rnEinstein asked "What was that for?" rnHis colleague replied. "I always carry a small notebook around with me, and then, if ever I have a good idea, I can make a quick note so as not to forget it later. You should try it Albert".rnEinstein replied "Oh, I don't need one of those, I've only ever had two good ideas".
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about:
Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor. The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit. Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor. This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said, "There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit." After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor’s son wearing trousers made of the same cloth. Perplexed, he asked, "Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?" "It’s very simple," replied the tailor, "The other tailor has two sons."
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
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