This old man and woman were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat it read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her very most private part was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise." So the old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap..."
In clas: 1+1=2 Exam: John has four apples and gives one away. Calculate the mass of the sun.
Yo Mama's so dumb she waited all day at a stop sign.
Once upon a time, there was a king who thought that his officers were going to try to have sex with his queen. So he made all of his officers put on tight pants and told them that if anyone got a boner their head would be chopped off. So he lined them up and the queen came to the first one and took off her gown. He got a boner, so that was the end of him. Then she came to the next one and took off her gown, he got a boner and that was the end of him. This went on until she came to the last one and took off gown, then her underthings and he didn't get a boner. So she took off his clothes and started rolling on the floor with him, half an hour went by, then an hour, finally after two hours the king came in to see what was happening and as soon as the king came in the guy got a boner.
How do you tell when time is reversing? When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
A Liverpool docker went to South Africa for a job. The boss tells him, "Its people like you we want here. Here's a test. There's a revolver, go out and shoot 6 niggers and a rabbit." The docker asks, "Why do I have to shoot the rabbit?" He got the job.
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? A: Snap-on tools!
Chuck Norris eats gummy bears and shits out grizzly bears.
What does the black kid across the street get for christmas? Your bike...
What's the problem with an Asian pet store? There's always a kitchen in the back.