An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor.
When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”
The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
Vote:
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.
A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
Wife says, "I would take half and leave you".
Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
A businessman is invited for an audience with the Pope but finds it clashes with a meeting he has with Bill Gates.
The businessman asks his secretary which appointment he should go to.
‘Definitely the Pope,’ replies the secretary.
‘He’ll only expect you to kiss his hand.’
A blonde pick ups her dress from the dry cleaners, when she leaves the Cashier says,
"Come again!"
Bonde said, "Nah..It was ketchup this time."
Thers a Blonde at a computer trying to play a game and it says "press any key to begin" and shes looking at the computer trying to find the any key
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes", the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
A: He went down really well!
Vote:
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in.
Forget the ships.
My lighthouse, my rules...
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."