Best jokes ever

A man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called "the George Bush Watch" and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says "you are suppose to read his lips." He then looks at a watch called the "Ross Perot Watch" and notices that it isn’t running – the sales clerk tells him "it runs, it doesn’t run, it runs, it doesn’t run..." He then notices a watch called the "Bill Clinton Watch" and sees that it runs, has hands and looks like a pretty good watch. He asks the sales clerk how much. The sales clerk replies "$19.95 plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax..."
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: money
Q: Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: health, lawyer, medical, stupid
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!" "I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." With that, the bartender looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra? Now he's hard up.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: business, men, money, viagra
A first-grade teacher can't 
believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl. "It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?" "Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student. "Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?" "Then I'd be a football fan."
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: football, student, teacher
Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? A: Stick with me and you'll go places.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, travel, Valentines day
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: airplane, lawyer
Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo momma so stupid she thought that doctor pepper could heal her.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, health, stupid, Yo mama
Chuck Norris's urin is said to add 300 horse power when added to your gas.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
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