As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers. Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.
Yo momma so old... Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong. He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS! When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.
Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
Why was the computer tired when he got home? Because he had a hard drive.
Bill Gates goes to purgatory. St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds. Bill chooses Hell. About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons. Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?" St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."
Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.
Teacher: "I will call your parents!" Elementary student: "No! I’ll be a good boy!" Junior High School Student: "Pffff… Anyway…" High School Student: "Send my mother my greetings!"