A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins.
Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sex.
So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband.
"OK, honey," he says, "this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom."
The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees.
So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed.
The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous erection.
The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other.
But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife — right into the dresser.
He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain.
The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him.
His throbbing dick is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, "Doc, doc, how bad is it?"
"That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob."
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Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.
Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.
A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live.
Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order.
"Oh yes, I've done that," said the old gentleman.
"I've only got to make a will.
And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money?
I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life."
The only exercise I have done this month... is running out of money.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?"
I replied I prefer the good one.
Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!"
I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
Your momma is so ugly when she gets her beauty sleep she falls into a coma!
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common?
You don't look down.
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