My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.
Your mama so fat, that she can use herself as a bowling ball and get 10 strikes in all of the lanes!
Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by in only an overcoat and opened it as wide as it could go.
The first little old lady had a stroke, the second little old lady also had a stroke, but the third little old lady couldn't reach.
Chuck Norris can win a game of chess by saying "Yahtzee!"
When Chuck Norris wants salad, he eats a vegetarian.
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: She will "let it go let it go".
Once visiting Arizona, Chuck Norris spat on the ground.
The place is now known as the meteor crater.
A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
Chuck Norris' day consists of 25 hours.
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls.
She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats".