Best jokes ever

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”
Vote: has 70.78 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: hospital, nurse, old people
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"
Vote: has 70.78 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, love, men, women
How do you blindfold an Asian? With dental floss!
Vote: has 70.78 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist
Once you go asian you never miss an equation.
Vote: has 70.76 % from 219 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math, racist
Yo Mama So Black When I Shot Her, The Bullet Came Back And Asked For Flashlight.
Vote: has 70.75 % from 743 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, insulting, Yo mama
A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
Vote: has 70.74 % from 89 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, love, sex, wife
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class? Let’s start with you, Robert.” Robert: “The artwork.” Teacher: “Very good. And you, Peter?” Peter: “Her tits!” Teacher: “Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall! And you, Johnny?” Johnny: “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”
Vote: has 70.73 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?” “Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”
Vote: has 70.72 % from 200 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, love, marriage
Yo mama so dumb, she thought General Motors was in the army.
Vote: has 70.72 % from 124 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
AT WORK, Michael: Why you white guys always so happy? Casey: Because I make love to my wife every morning before work. Michael: Say whaaat? You get her to make love EVERY morning? How do you do that? Casey: It's easy, I just say a poem, women love poems and will fall for them all the time. Michael: Ok, what kind of poem can you say to make her make love every morning? Casey: I say, "blonde hair, blonde hair, eyes of blue, I love to wake up and make love to you. Michael: HAHAAA she falls for that? Casey: yes you should try it. NEXT DAY TYRONE COMES IN WITH BLACK EYE FAT LIP AND A TOOTH MISSING. Casey: What happened to you? Michael: Well, I said a poem to my wife and she didn't like it. Casey: She didn't like it? What did you say? Michael: Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, if I could roll your fat ass over I would do you like a dog.
Vote: has 70.72 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, poems, sex, white people