The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles. The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store. At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approached the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means to lay down a base of fire!). The Marines promptly laid down a base of the fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting. The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!"
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they're all like "we need to talk."
The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better". So I installed LINUX.
How do you start a Jewish parade? Throw a penny down main street.
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”
Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
In reality, only Chuck Norris is allowed to sing "We are the Champions". He has no time for losers. He will rock you.
When the fire department catches fire, they call Chuck Norris.
Ghosts actually have their own kind of tv. The show that scares them the most is called "Chuck Norris Caught On Tape".
Chuck Norris puts phone companies on hold.