A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
Vote:
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags.
I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."
Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people?
A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.
"The auditors have just left, sir."
"Did they check the books?"
"Very thoroughly."
"What did they say?"
"They want 15% to keep quiet."
Vote:
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman “Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?”
Yo' Mama is so fat, her stair master has a dinner tray attached.
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?"
Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.
The guy asks, "What's this about?"
The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?"
The guy replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."