A man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog.
One man says to the other, "Does your dog bite?"
The man replies, "No my dog doesn't."
The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite" said the injured man.
"Thats not my dog", replied the other. 
Yo mamma so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.
Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in.
A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates “Who was the first man?” asked Peter.
“Adam.”
“That’s correct. Enter.”
Soon another man came along.
“Where did Adam and Eve live?”
”Eden.”
“That’s correct. Enter.”
Then Mother Theresa came along.
“Ooh, I’ll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?”
“Mmm, that IS a hard one.”
“Enter.”
Your momma so fat...
She can't even fit in the chat room.
Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *walks away*
Yo mamma is on a seafood diet, when she see's food, she eats it.
I kind a feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
Vote:
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die."
So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?"
The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting."
So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Two Yankee boys were driving through the South and was stopped by a State Trooper.
The trooper walked up to the open driver’s window, reached in, and slapped the driver on the side of his head.
"What did you do that for?" the driver asked.
"I don’t know how yall do it up north but here in Alabama, you have your drivers license ready when I walk up to the car."
The trooper took the license when it was offered, walked back to his unit and then returned the license to the driver.
He then walked around to the passenger side of the car and tapped on the window.
When the passenger rolled the window down, the trooper reached in and slapped the passenger on the side of the head.
"What did you do that for?" asked the startled passenger.
"Well," responded the trooper, "I didn’t want you to be disappointed. You’ll get about two miles down the road and then say, 'I wish that redneck woulda tried that with me!'"
Can I read your t-shirt in braille?