Best jokes ever

Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra? Now he's hard up.
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: business, men, money, viagra
Your mom is so fat when she jumps all the oceans disappear.
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Yo Momma's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border!
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, Yo mama
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, cop
I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: car, fitness, gym, time
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. “Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.” “But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.” But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. “Oh, he died,” the boy said. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.” “Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.” “Oh, what was it then?” “I think it was the spin cycle.”
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: age, death, dog, kids
Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!"
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: sport
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, disgusting, drunk, wine, women
The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He decides to see if she needs any help. He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?" She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting, doctor, wife
<<<371372373374
More jokes →
Page 371 of 1429.