Chuck Norris was bitten by a werewolf. When full moon came, the werewolf turned into Chuck Norris.
[first day as a pilot] Control tower: What's your location? Me: I'm in the cockpit. Control tower: I mean where is the airplane? Me: Mainly behind me.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? Even the pool table has no balls.
Yo mamma is on a seafood diet, when she see's food, she eats it.
Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...
Q: Where do one-legged people eat? A: IHOP.
Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and poof - the husband was 90.
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
My blonde girlfriend went to the doctors this morning and was told she had two weeks to live. She chose last week and this week.