"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money." "Why do you say that?" "Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'."
Chuck Norris is the only person to really have "Birthdays". The rest of us have "Thank you Chuck for allowing me to live another year- days".
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.
Everytime a someone tells me my jokes are funny, I say, "Thanks! I got more lines than Whitney Huston's coffee table.".
Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead.
Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
Once an email was sent from LA to Washington. Chuck Stopped it at St. Louis.