My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Chuck Norris caught the gingerbread man.
Chuck Norris doesn't smoke cigars. He smokes smoke grenades.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Everytime a someone tells me my jokes are funny, I say, "Thanks! I got more lines than Whitney Huston's coffee table.".
Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead.
Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
Once an email was sent from LA to Washington. Chuck Stopped it at St. Louis.
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: They are easier to keep amused.