Best jokes ever

Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', Asked Robert. 'I'm going to Nairobi', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get 4000 a night for what I give you for free! 'Robert said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife. Robert said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on 8000 a year!'
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has 69.02 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: money, sex, travel, wife, work
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
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has 69.00 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
Mary and Jane are talking. Mary declares that she’s finally got pregnant after years of trying. ‘How did you manage it?’ asks Jane. ‘I went to that hypnotherapist on the High Street,’ replies Mary. ‘I got pregnant within two months.’ ‘Oh, my husband and I tried seeing him years ago,’ says Jane. ‘It didn’t work for us.’ ‘Of course it wouldn’t,’ replies Mary. ‘You have to go alone.’
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has 68.99 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: sex
3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room. 2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom. 3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
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has 68.97 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, sex
Yo' mama got such bad dandruff, the principal declared a snow day!
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has 68.97 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? A: "How are we supposed to find an egg in all this sh*t?"
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has 68.97 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, gay
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
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has 68.97 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: black humor, military, political
Young kids use a dating app on their phones. Older kids use a dating website on their computers. Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates. Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events. Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.
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has 68.97 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, death, morbid, relationship
Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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has 68.97 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, little Johnny, school
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
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has 68.96 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
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