"Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!" "Was it a Jersey cow?" "I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!"
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey. The country there now is only an impostor.
Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom. The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet. The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can. The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain." The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!" The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark. First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."
Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't go to therapy, therapy goes to Chuck Norris.
Women prefer the simple things in life… like men.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense? "Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say ‘Hello'."
Once, an entire country disagreed with Chuck Norris. It's now known as the moon
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.