Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely?
A: Playing Frisbee.
Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."
Vote:
On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.
Vote:
Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill."
Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
Yo mama so poor I sat on the garbage can and she said get off from my roof.
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door.
One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions.
Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fell off.
Q: What would men do if they had breasts?
A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.