Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
Once an email was sent from LA to Washington. Chuck Stopped it at St. Louis.
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: They are easier to keep amused.
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
You know the movie, Alien VS Predator? Well it used to be called Alien VS Predator VS Chuck Norris, but no body would pay to see a fight 7 seconds long.
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".
Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf? A: "You hang around while I go on ahead."