Q: Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.
I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
Yo mama's so dumb that when she saw the "Under 17 not admitted" sign at a movie theatre, she went home and got 16 friends.
Vote:
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Vote:
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.
10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
I'm actually glad that 2 Chainz mentions his name at the begin of every song.
It gives me time to change the radio station.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons."
Wife: "Same to you father of none."
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.