I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.
The ground hog only pokes his head out to check for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.
Chuck Norris can power solar panels. At Night.
What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve? Answer: "Halo there!"
Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.