Best jokes ever

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder. " The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"
Vote:
has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
Vote:
has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel
A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings! She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her. By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?" The fireman says, "No!" The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."
Vote:
has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
Vote:
has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: money, relationship
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !" Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
Vote:
has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: men
Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...
Vote:
has 68.78 % from 281 votes. More jokes about: sex
Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?" Little Johnny: "11" Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."
Vote:
has 68.77 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, math, stupid, teacher
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
Vote:
has 68.77 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: airplane, black humor, death, funeral, gay
A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years. And unfortunately, none of them were your parents.
Vote:
has 68.77 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: Facebook
Chuck Norris kicked the world once, it hasn't stopped spinning.
Vote:
has 68.77 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
<<<389390391392
More jokes →
Page 389 of 1427.