I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
The ground hog only pokes his head out to check for Chuck Norris.
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
Yo momma so fat, her patronus is a cake.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.
Yo mama so ugly when she went outside it was a black out.
Chuck Norris can power solar panels. At Night.
What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve? Answer: "Halo there!"
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.